Pastor I am in shock, my son came home from college and just told me he is “gay”. What do I do? What do I say, help me!

The most important, number one job of being a parent is to love your children, unconditionally, without strings or conditions attached.  We as parents made the commitment long, long ago that all our children are a gift from God and they should be cherished at all times, no matter the changes or decisions they make in life. We can retire from a job, we can move, we can do many things, we never stop being a mom or dad.   I have 2 cousins and my niece, whom I baptized many years ago are gay.  I love them, they are of my family, and we all have a place in God’s plan.

I will assume that by this time you two have sat down and discussed this matter. Further a question I would have is why now and here does he make this announcement? What is going on in his life right now that caused him to make such a declaration,  and what did he expect your reaction to be? These are all legitimate questions to ask.  Your son should address that.   That being said, I complement your son. It,  I am sure was a very hard thing for him to say to you. That speaks well of his trust and confidence in you as a mother, and the quality of the relationship.

Let’s assume this orientation is indeed a true state of where he is now, and will be in the future. The real issue from a parent perspective is can you, or your spouse, or family accept and    adjust to this change or statement as to where he is now. Some families cannot accept such news and the family and relationships suffer if not fracture. That is sad, for all concerned.  There are no winners, only losers and pain in that.  Our children will make their own ways in life, whether we like those changes or accept them, or not. Again, parental love is never conditional.

As to faith.  I will assume both you and your son are people of faith. As people of faith, regardless of the issues, the first and primary thing we need to do is pray, pray, and pray some more,  Before you, your son, your family go any further down this road, pray, pray together you and him, pray together as a family. I have found that when prayer is made part of your life and your events in a family, nothing, nothing can overcome you.  At the end of the day the bottom line is that you want a relationship with a son you love, as he with you.  And love indeed overcomes all.

May God bless you, your son, and may you know God’s grace and peace